every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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