you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
