Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
