How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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