its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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