my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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