My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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