She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
