He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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