am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
