Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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