he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wish there were birth control emojis
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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