maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
