I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
