Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
