Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
