Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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