I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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