I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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