Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
