Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
