haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
