Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
