I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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