Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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