I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
PS: I just woke up from my shower
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
