Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
