just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
