walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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