Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
