dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
