weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
