hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
