Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
