im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
