Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
