nut hugger
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
