Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
