I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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