what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
