So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
