someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
