I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
