Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
