just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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