I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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