Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
