after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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