youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
