Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
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