whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
