and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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