Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
