Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
and you fell through a lawn chair
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
