Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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