i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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