she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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