Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
